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10 creative ways to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend
August 31st, 2008 · No Comments
Here are 10 creative ways to break up
with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Why get creative when breaking up?

The socially acceptable way to break up
with someone is to do it in person, be calm
and explain the reasons and then distance
yourself from your ex as much as possible.

Sometimes this doesn’t work. Maybe your
boyfriend/girlfriend is very controlling and
persuasive and you know that if you try
to break up, they will only wind up convincing
you to stay with them. Maybe you don’t
like confrontation and the inevitable negative
emotions that go along with breaking up
with someone in person. Maybe you
just want to leave town tonight, fly
to Tahiti and paint nude men/women
on the beach for the rest of your life….

Whatever your reason, I now present to you
10 creative ways to break up with someone:

1. Take out a billboard.
Figure out which route/street they take to
work every morning and buy billboard space
for a week. If you really want to rub it in,
buy the space for a month, and make sure it is in
an area where they cannot take a detour
to work. If you REALLY want to rub it in,
then find a hot guy/girl and take a picture
of the two of you together and put that
on the billboard.

2. Text Message
Nothing says: “It’s over” more quickly
and to the point than a simple text message.
No mess, no having to listen to them bitch,
moan, cry and complain and best of all
you can turn off your cell phone to avoid
having to hear them whine and moan.

3. “I’m not gay, but I can learn”.
Tell them that you recently developed
a sudden attraction to a member of the
same sex.

Guys:
Start speaking with a lisp and tell
her that you found this “really cute” bar
in the gay district of your local area. A thick
bushy mustache and black leather pants
with a hole cut out for your ass-cheeks
to breathe will only add to the ambiance.

Girls:
Butch hair cut, Dickies boots, flannel shirt
Then, learn to roll your own tampons
and buy a vibrator that requires you to
kick-start it in order to turn it on.

4. Hire a Barbershop Quartet.
Nothing says “I want to break up with you”
better than 5 guys showing up on their
front doorstep, dressed in white and red
striped uniforms with straw top hats singing:

It’s over
oveer
oveeer
oveeeer !!!

5. Send them on a treasure hunt.

Pick 5 spots in the area where you live. It could
be the mall, the park, the beach, Starbucks, wherever.
Leave a note that leads to the next spot in a hidden area.
At the final spot leave the breakup note. If they are
not too bright, they will entertain themselves for hours
on end before the find the final breakup note.

6. Let yourself go.
Stop taking showers, gain a few pounds, don’t use
deodorant, whatever it takes to make yourself
SO physically repulsive that the dirty deed will
handle itself. Just make sure you can reverse the
damage, lest you be stuck with a penis tattoo
across your forehead for the rest of your life….

Girls: dress like a total slut when you go out.
Let your boobs hang out, short mini skirts and
gobs of makeup will surely do the trick.

7. Dine and ditch.
Suggest that you and your significant other
go out to dinner. Right after the food is delivered
to your table, excuse yourself to the bathroom
to go wash your hands. Find your waiter in the back
and hand him a note that you wrote and ask him
to give it to your significant other. Then leave.

BETTER YET:

Before you leave: Tell your waiter/waitress
that it is your significant others birthday.
Ask them to hand them the breakup note
and wait for them to read it, before 7 waiters
spontaneously bursting out into
“Happy Birthday to you” !!!

If you really think about it…this is his/hers
very first “being single” birthday. Why not
celebrate ??!!

8.   Bait and switch
This works better for girls, but guys can do it too…

Girls: Find another girl that you think your boyfriend
would be attracted to. Then tell her that you want
to set her up on a blind date with “a really hot guy”.
It works best if she doesn’t know he is your boyfriend.
Then make plans to meet up with your boyfriend one
night. As soon as you see your boyfriend, introduce
him to the girl and tell him that you are breaking up
with him, and send him on his way with the new girl.
That way he won’t feel lonely or sad, he will have a
new girl to get to know and everything will be better.

9. Brother can you spare a dime?
Start acting like a total cheap-ass. Don’t buy her
things, don’t take her out at night. Why stop there?
With gas being so expensive nowadays, why do you
have to pick her up when the both of you are going
out for the night? Give her a bus pass with a small
note saying that you “wanted to do your part in saving
the environment and minimizing your carbon footprint”.
Break up with your evil girlfriend, save the environment
AND save a buck or two ????

Yes.
Please.

10.  Freak !!!
Nothing will make your significant other turn tail
and run the other way faster than you taking her
to your local Jehovah’s Witness hall for a fun filled
weekend of going door-to-door passing out pamphlets
and trying to find ways of “being more moral”.

There you have it. 10 ways to break up with your
boyfriend or girlfriend. Take these 10 items with
a grain of salt, or expand upon them and really
go out with a bang !!
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